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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
> >     RED SKELTON'S -TIPS FOR A HAPPY
> >     MARRIAGE
> >
> >     1. Two times a week, we go to a nice
> >     restaurant, have a little beverage, good food
> >     and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I
> >     go on Fridays.
> >
> >     2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in
> >     Calif. and mine is in Texas.
> >
> >     3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps
> >     finding her way back.
> >
> >     4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for
> >     our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in
> >     a long time!" she said. So I suggested the
> >     kitchen.
> >
> >     5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she
> >     shops.
> >
> >     6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster
> >     and electric bread maker. She said "There are
> >     too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
> >     So I bought her an electric chair.
> >
> >     7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
> >     because there was water in the carburetor. I
> >     asked where the car was; she told me "In the
> >     lake."
> >
> >     8. She got a mud pack and looked great for
> >     two days. Then the mud fell off.
> >
> >     9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am
> >     I too late for the garbage?" The driver said
> >     "No, jump in!"
> >
> >     10. Remember: Marriage is the number one
> >     cause of divorce.
> >
> >     11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
> >     first name was Always.
> >
> >     12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I
> >     don't like to interrupt her.
> >
> >     13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife
> >     asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
> >
> >     Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love
> >     it.........this is the good old days when humor
> >     didn't have to start with a four letter
> >     word............just clean and simple fun....
 

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Funny, but they don't really sound like Red Skelton to me; More like Henny Youngman. Or Rodney Dangerfield. In fact I'm sure I've heard him use some of those lines.
 

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[ QUOTE ]
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

[/ QUOTE ]

LMAO That would for sure do it at my house!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
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