Mechanic's Tool Guide

Mechanic\'s Tool Guide

Mechanic's Tool Guide
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>>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
>>used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the
>>object we are trying to hit.
>>
>>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
>>cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
>>on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
>>
>>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their
>>holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling
>>mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear
>>wheel.
>>
>>PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
>>
>>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
>>principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
>>motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
>>your future becomes.
>>
>>VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
>>available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the
>>palm of your hand.
>>
>>OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
>>objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
>>a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.
>>
>>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
>>motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
>>socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
>>
>>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
>>metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
>>flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly
>>painted part you were drying.
>>
>>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere
>>under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint
>>whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to
>>say, "Ouc...."
>>
>>HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after
>>you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack
>>handle firmly under the front fender.
>>
>>EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward
>>off a hydraulic jack.
>>
>>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>>
>>PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
>>floor jack.
>>
>>SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
>>spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
>>
>>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and
>>is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
>>
>>TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
>>
>>TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
>>strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
>>disconnect.
>>
>>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that
>>inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
>>without the handle.
>>
>>BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid
>>from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that
>>your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
>>
>>AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>>
>>TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
>>light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is
>>not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside,
>>its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate
>>that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during ,say, the first few
>>hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is
>>somewhat misleading.
>>
>>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
>>paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as
>>the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
>>
>>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
>>power plant 200 miles away and transforms it intocompressed air that
>>travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact
>>wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in
>>Springfield, and rounds them off.
>>
>>PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
>>bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>>
>>HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
>>
>>

Tim Springer
1980 CJ7
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