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Jeep (off road) humor

373 Views 3 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  **DONOTDELETE**
This was sent to me from another list. Perhaps it has been on this list, but haven't seen it. Thought you might enjoy it.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >Help me please!! I am having a female over for dinner. I remembered
> >, candles, chocolates. BUt I did forget one thing. The
> >corkscrew to take the cork out of the bottle of wine!! I do not have one
> >and none of my neighbors do either. Is there anyway I can get the cork out
> >by using something else??
> >
> >Mandatory Jeep content...I get to drive her home in my Jeep!!! Which she
> >already loves!!
> >
> >Later and thanks in advance..
> From: David Bandel <[email protected]>
> Subject: Re: Emergency!! -The MANLY way to do it...
> Since this is a Jeeping list, this is how you do it:
> Remember the first rule is never Drink alone! (well, looks like you have
> that covered..) ;^)
>1) Call buddies and have them come over with their Jeeps (fully loaded,
> ready for action)
>2) Air down tires to 0 psi.
>3) Lay wine bottle down in soft ground, not a hard surface.
>4) Drive one aired-down tire onto wine bottle so that bottle is firmly
> trapped and cannot budge. This is a real test of your Jeeping ability- Have
> your Buddy spot you! One wrong move, and the whole operation could be
> ruined!
>5) Dig a small hole with your handy-dandy camp shovel under the mouth of the
> wine bottle, just big enough to put a dixie cup under there.
>6) Pull out your tire chuck, hose, and connect to York On-Board Air.
>7) From your spares box that you always keep fully stocked and ready in the
> back of your Jeep, find one spare tire valve stem (metal type) and some
> JB-Weld.
>8) With Gerber Multi-tool, cut the rubber end of the tire stem and file the
> metal shroud to a sharp point.
>9) Using the cleaning awl from your tire repair kit, punch a hole through
> the cork. Quickly jam valve stem through cork and secure with JB Weld to
> the cork (stuff sticks to anything)..
>10) Beer break. Call girlfriend and tell her dinner is going to be late.
>11) After JB Weld has hardened, attach air chuck to valve and "inflate" wine
> bottle till cork pops out.
>12) IF ABOVE STEP DOES NOT WORK: Using valve stem valve remover tool, remove
> valve from stem. Have a Buddy (who did not drink a Beer in step 10) back
> Jeep off of wine bottle. wrap wine bottle with ratchet strap and snug
> securely. Get Spray starting fluid from your spares/trail box, and a book
> of matches.
>13) Spray good amount of starting fluid (1-2 seconds worth) down falve stem.
> Remove one match and close matchbook. Light match, yell "FIRE IN THE
> HOLE!!!" and toss match at valve stem opening. IMPORTANT SAFETY ITEM: Make
> sure Buddy/buddies/Dog/Jeep/House/etc is NOT in the line of fire when you
> do this.
>14) Remove tire valve stem from buddy's forehead, who wasn't listening (and
> seems to be stuck on step #10, as there are a heck of a lot more beer cans
> on the ground than YOU remember opening)..
>15) Remember to send thank you note to the nice Emergency Room nurse.
>16) Call girlfriend and let her know dinner will be a bit later still. Ask
> if she prefers take-out.
>17) Since Cork (still in bottle) now has a larger hole in it, plug hole with
> 1/2" or larger self-tapping eyelet. Secure with more JB Weld. Have a buddy
> (there all drunk now, so don't be picky) park the Jeep back on the bottle.
>18) Have other buddy with the new Warn Hs9500i play out about 20 ft of
> cable. Attach hook from winch to eyelet in wine bottle.
>19) Throw empty cardboard from the case of beer over winch cable for safety.
>20) Slowly take up slack in cable until cork pops out of bottle. Skip to
> step 23.
>21) IF ABOVE STEP DOES NOT WORK: Promise buddy to pay for the new
> windshield, softop, and high-back seat that was destroyed by wine bottle
> travelling at slightly sub-sonic speed. Take buddy back to Emergency Room
> for lacerations from broken glass. Talk to cute nurse again. Get her phone
> number.
>22) Stop at quicky-Mart and get wine cooler 4-pack. Buy more Beer for
> buddies, whom are quite hacked off at you at this point.
>23) Call girlfriend. Ask if next Friday night is good for her.
>24) IF ABOVE STEP DOES NOT WORK: Call cute nurse. Ask what time she gets off
> work. Tell her you have no problem fixing dinner at 4AM, that's about what
> time you'll be cleaned up. Ask if she likes beer.
>25) Throw wine in garbage can.

Doug '97 TJ
Creator of the CBrack
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Good one !

ROFL!! hahah i always love waking up to somehthing funny!! thats a good one!

1988 Wrangler Laredo 4.2L w/5spd Manual
1995 Wrangler 2.5L w/ 5spd Manual-dixie horn
Or, you can always enlist the help of the MOONGUYS! Seems like you had the there anything they can't do?


1998 Dodge Ram 1500 Quad Cab 4x4 Laramie SLT Sport Plus--5.9L 360, auto, 3.92s, antispin, BFG A/Ts.
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