Off Roading Forums banner

Jeep Joke....

803 Views 18 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  utahjeepr
This from a radio program, a true report of a happening in Michigan:

A guy buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has $400 monthly payments.
He and a friend go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle.
They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.

Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.

So, out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Grand
Cherokee), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.
They decide to light this 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.

(Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns and the dog?)

Yes, the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for retrieving.
Especially things thrown by the owner.

You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice.

The two morons yell, scream, wave arms and wonder what to do now.
The dog, cheered on, keeps coming.

One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.

The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on.
Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two Nobel Prize winners have gone insane.

The dog takes off to find cover, (with the now REALLY short fuse burning on the stick of dynamite).... Under the brand new Cherokee.

----BOOM!---- Dog and Cherokee are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered.

He still had yet to make the first of those $400 a month payments! AND the animal cruelty people, and the department of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms wants to have a long talk with him....

................And you thought your day was not going well..........................

Just got this in email and thought I'd share... Aaron.

If a tree falls in the forrest, and there is no woman around to hear it, is the man still wrong?
See less See more
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
That's a good one. It rivals the one I'll never forget, being a State Hunter Safety Instructor.

These brainiacs are fishing or hunting (help he here guys, it was on this site last January or 2 Januarys ago) and came back to the truck at dusk. They blew a fuse for the headlights, but found a .22 shell would fit in the fuseholder. So they were barreling down the road when it goes off, hitting the driver in, well, his privates. He lived, but is scarred for life (not the physical scar either).

Can you imagine writing that one up? Is there a law against stupidity? There are laws against everything else, why not?

'81 CJ-8 Scrambled!
GM151/SM465/NP205/7" Lift/33" Swampers/D44's F&R 4.10's & Lockrights
Hey, TeamRush.........that could not have possibly happened here in Michigan.

It sounds more like something that would happen in.........uh.......say...........oh............. ARKANSAS ! ! ! !

That's where Bubba Klinton is from, isn't it?

Loose nut behind the wheel
Another right-wing conservative.....
Born and raised in Jeep-Town
sorry, ice barely gets thick enough to walk on here. no way to drive out on it.

The fuse story DID happen in AR, & supposedly the wife of the victim when notified first asked "What happened to the frogs?". They were gigging prior to the "accident". Not only was he shot, but the fuse that had blown was for the headlights. When the shell went off, so did the lights, & they slammed into a bridge.


/wwwthreads_images/icons/wink.gif Got Mud?
G.U.M.B.O. Mud Racing
See less See more
Hey loosenut, what do you mean could not have possibly happened here in Michigan? Sounded like a
Yooper to me.

Here's one just for you.

A guy walks into a Detroit bar and orders a beer. While the bartender goes for the beer, the guy puts a
cigarette in his mouth and flicks his lighter a few times. The lighter doesn't light so he takes the
cigarette and throws it in the trash. He pulls out another cigarette, puts it in his mouth and flicks the
lighter a few more times. The lighter doesn't light, so that cigarette goes in the trash. Out comes
a third cigarette, but the lighter still doesn't light.

The bartender has been watching this peculiar behavior and when he returns with the beer he asks the
guy, "Are you out of flint?"

The guy replies, "No, Hamtramak."

See less See more
I think the 22 shell for a fuse thing did happen here, seems like I remember hearing that, or maybe it was local radio shows Darwin awards..? hmmm

and it seems the dog with dynamite cherokee story is rather old total fiction or not , I remember hearing that one a couple of years back and cracking up...

nothing here ever freezes thick enough to walk on, hell we got a once a decade snow last week, and it was 72 today!!!!

NW Arkansas
See less See more
Here's the best hunting dog story I ever heard, and yes it is true.

Seems a couple of guys are training some new dogs. The dogs are pretty far along, but they still wear radio locator collars. Well one day they come up a dog short. So they break out the tracker and proceed to locate the dog. He was in a bear den. Momma bear and a couple of cubs are snuggled up nice and cozy with a very nervous dog piled right in the middle. Every time he tries to get away momma bear grabs him and tucks him back into the pile. Had to tranq momma to get the dog.

"My other car is a BULLDOZER"
That was a riot when I first heard it. Turns out to be fiction. Somebody submitted it to the Darwin Awards website, they determined it was bogus, sorry to ruin the yuks...

But did you hear the one about the guy who tied 6 weather ballons to a lawn chair and floated up into the traffic pattern of LAX...

The whole bullet thu the privates happened about 45 mins west
of where I live... Thats not even that bad compared to what Ive
seen out looking for parts in the junk yards around here. Best find
was 2 shriveled up fingers and what looked to be a 6" x 2" peice
of rolled skin in a wooden box under the seat in a '73 J20 that i pulled a
T18 out of ... :eek:)
88 YJ AMC 401/ TF 727 Under constant constuction
Also NW Arkansas... Deliverence country! :eek:)

See less See more
While in Fla. a couple of years back, some friends ask me if I wanted to go to 'de glades fishin'.
When we got to messing around out there we saw a commotion. We decided maybe some of them people might have some ice for the coolers we had knocked over earlier in the day when a 7 foot snake got in the boat with us. (That was a riot! The snake got away, but the coolers didn't!)
When we got to the bank, there was a big stir! Law and TV crews everywhere.
Seems some guy went for a walk with his hunting dogs and one of the big Labs didn't come back from playing in the water.
They got the radio tracking stuff out and located the dogs collar..... Inside of a 18 foot gator!
They pulled 16 decomposed collars out of that gator's gut! Seems it liked dog as much as the Koreans do!
There had been so many dogs disappear in the area that the local cops had tried to set up a sting, because they thought some one was dognapping them and selling them for medical research!

If a tree falls in the forrest, and there is no woman around to hear it, is the man still wrong?
See less See more
Does anyone know why they call these things "Urban Legends"? Why not suburban legends.....or rural legends....or new world legends....or contemporary legends. Pehaps it the "I know a (fill in the blank) in my town that it happened to"....type thingie.


Figures don't lie ....... but liars sure do figure.
Here's an old one: The small-town girl heads for the big city for a night on the town. She stops at a gas station just off the highway & as she's paying the attendant at the little booth, he asks her if there's any reason why a young man should be slipping into her back seat. She says, "no", & the attendant explains that he's already pressed the silent alarm & that she should stay up by him until the police arrive. When they question the kid who had gotten into the backseat, he explains that he was supposed to bring back a woman's head for gang initiation.

Seems like everyone knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who was the girl, & while everyone knows where she is supposedly from, nobody remembers her name.


/wwwthreads_images/icons/wink.gif Got Mud?
G.U.M.B.O. Mud Racing
See less See more
True or not, I don't know, all I know is they were taking pictures of a REALLY BIG (and stinking) gator, and the local news carreid the story for about a week.
...And we got ice at a store by the boat ramp...

The gator story is pretty easy to verify. I'm sure someone in Fla remembers it.
It was on the back side of a golf course either two or three years ago, but I don't remember the name of the little town (just west of Holmstead, out in the vegetable fields, in the Everglades National Park), and it made the news for about a week down there.
I think the local news said the same body of water went right around to the local grade school or day care or something, that is why there was such a fuss locally, but I don't remember for sure anymore.
CNN even ran it for one night the day after it happened, and so did USA today...
(Maybe search USA today's data base... Or CNN's...)

....Anyway, get a visual of four 200 pound guys swinging boat paddles and fishing poles at a hapless snake (7 foot snake though in a 8' wide air boat)!
That had to look like pregnant elephants trying to roller skate for the first time!
We beat the coolers to death, the poles to death, broke three paddles and one push pole, and managed to puncture the seat cushions, and put a 1-1/2" long tear in the boat hull! Thank god it was above the water line.

The dreaded Rattle-Headed-Copper-Mocison got away with just his pride hurt...
(I actually have no idea what kind of snake it was, besides BIG!)

Not one of our finer moments, but one of the funnier ones....

If a tree falls in the forrest, and there is no woman around to hear it, is the man still wrong?
See less See more
TeamRush is right, it happened. I grew up, lived and graduated high school in Homestead Florida. Left after Andrew tore us up in 92..

anyway, that's just a gator that they FOUND. You know how many other animals have gotten snagged not just in the glades but in the canals in TOWN? Hundreds probably, gators are all over down there and if your pup walks away for 20 or 30 minutes down my a canal or anywhere out in the glades by hisself, he's got a good chance of getting snagged...

Course then you have a reason to kill the bastard and gator tail is mmm mmm good!!

You'd have to prove your dog was in there tho..

A Russian and a Chekoslovakian were airboating out in the glades. Somewheres about 2 miles out in FLA Bay the prop dies. They are trying to fix it when two gators come up off a natural hammock near by. Being stranded they try to fend them the gators off. Seems the Russian did ok, lost an arm, broke several bones in his leg, but the other guy, he got eaten. Another boater passess by and asks what happens. Russian says, "Two gators come up on us and attacked us." Boater says, "Yeah, they're nesting right over there, must've been a mom and pop tagteam. Look there's the one now, he's still got a peice of your shirt in his mouth" and the boater shoots it dead. Upon inspection its the female. Boater wonders why this guys' so far out on his own. Russian says, "I had a friend with me... The Chek's in the male.."


But uhh.. TeamRush's story is true.. I can verify it..

Carl, Tampa, FL, 74 CJ-5
If a Jeep can't take you there, Think twice about going..
See less See more
I have a little fat jack russell that goes everywhere with me. When he walks along the banks down there, the gators will follow along in the water waiting for him to get close enough.
Jack Russell's are territorial as all get out, so I had my hands full trying to keep him and the gators apart....

In the canal behind my house in the Keys, we see manatees all the time, and dolphins, and we once saw what I think was a little sperm whale, but we have never seen a gator down that far. I don't think they like that salt water all that much, and there is no natural fresh water in the Keys.
The neighbors that have been there a long time all have stories of seeing gators in the canal, but I never have seen one.

Anytime we go up to Miami or Homestead, we see them in the fresh water canals and ditches by the hundreds. Go just a little west of Miami (where the Value Jet went down) and you will see some really aggressive gators! I stopped to let the little fat dog do his business, and stretch my legs, and the gators were coming right up on the bank after the dog! My girlfriend just about wet herself, then tried, successfully, to feed them crackers and corn chips...

They are sneaky! No noise, damned little movement, all movements are very fluid and never jerky so they don't stand out, and camouflage that would make a Army Ranger jealous!
I can see why the gator has survived virtually unchanged for 250 million years. He's got his collective sh*t together.

NOW! On with the jokes!

If a tree falls in the forrest, and there is no woman around to hear it, is the man still wrong?
See less See more
Go down to the National FOrest Outpost in the glades at night.. take a flashlight and you'll see thousands of beady little eyes looking at you..

At nine mile pond you can canoe with them, they'll outnumber people 2 to 1 or more..

If a gator ever does chase you Rush, run in a zig-zag pattern. Gators can haul ass in a straight line, but not in a zig zag..

Thats all for now..

Carl, Tampa, FL, 74 CJ-5
If a Jeep can't take you there, Think twice about going..
If a gator ever shows the poor taste to chase me, I'm going to empty a 15 round magazine of 9MM ammo into it's nasty little body.
Reload, and do it again with the two 25 round magazines hanging on the harness.
Then clean out my under ware...

The cop says, "Why did you shoot it 65 times?!" My answer would be, "Because I didn't have 66 bullets!-- Do you have any clean under ware in that squad car?"

Seriously, they say if one has you cornered, wait until it charges and jump over it, but watch for the tale.
They also say you can step on the nose, and the gator wont be able to open it's mouth.
I personally don't see me getting close enough to have to try to out smart it...

If a tree falls in the forrest, and there is no woman around to hear it, is the man still wrong?
See less See more
They say you can hold a gators mouth closed pretty easy, but I don't know that I would like to go reaching for a gators mouth. In the Corps they told us that was how to tell the difference between a gator and a croc.

"If you grab him by the snout and can hold it closed it's a gator. If he opens his mouth and bites your damned arm off it's a croc." Apparently crocs have stronger muscles to open thier mouths than gators.

"My other car is a BULLDOZER"
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.