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6,784 Posts
Re: Don\'t let the door hit you in the a$$, jeepchick..

I have found that women are like parking places...
All of the really good ones are taken...
And the rest are way out in left field,
Or handicapped.

All women are crazy, it's just to what extent...
Silverware down the garbage disposal and driving home when the oil light comes on kind of crazy,
Or the butcher knife to your privates kind of crazy...
You pick...

"I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha"

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6,784 Posts
Re: Don\'t let the door hit you in the a$$, jeepchick..

*Hey TR, about the Handicap crack... it ain't funny! I've been handicapped since I was 7, and have limped
through life. The only thing that's hampered me is the thoughts and snickes of others who thought they
had power over me. Well, like the above, it's a thoughless and stupid saying... I for one, take offense that

I was talking about parking places...
Not about people using disabilities as an excuse for being an A$$hole...

I had a pretty good tongue lashing for LEVE going there, but I decided against it.
With a 'Pity Me' attitude like that, He's not worth the time.
He's got a lot of balls to give someone a hard time when he doesn't know the other person's situation...

Take it to heart.
I'm 39 and never been married.

I saw what the women in my life had done to there men while I was very young, and thought better of it.

Rules for dating...
1. Never date any of your female friends.
(they will hang around the group you do, and tell everyone what a sh*t head you are for years after you dump her)

2. Never date any woman with a tatoo.
(You don't want to get serious with a self mutilating woman. If she will do THAT to herself, what will she do to you?
Have you ever seen a tatoo on 70 year old skin?)

3. Never date anyone with a trendie name. No Tiffany, No Amber, No Jennifer, No Danyel, No Cher, No Crystal, ect...
Never date anyone that ends their name in an 'I'... Jerri, Terri, Sherri, ect...
Never date anyone that is named after a city or state, or a car. Dakota, Montana, Mercedes, Corvette, Porsche, ect...
(This means their parents were part of the 'ME' generation, and she is a spoiled brat.
Not just the normal spoiled brat, but at least second generation spoiled brat...
Besides, everyone will think she is a stripper at the family reunions.)

4. Never date anyone that has a fat mother and grandmother... Especially if pictures of the mother and grand mother prove them to be thin, good looking girls in younger years...
Same goes for the mother and grandmother being wrinkled and ugly...
(Genetics at work, think about it...)

5. Use great caution if you decide to date a woman smarter than you...
(She will call you stupid, and be right! ...I hate it when that happens!)

6. Never date a woman you were cheating with.
(You are the one she is cheating with today, and the one she is cheating ON tomorrow...)

7. Never date a woman that says, "Here is my phone number, but if a man answers, HANG UP!"
(See #6)

8. Never date a woman you have seen in the bars a lot...
(If she has been in the bars A LOT, .... There is a reason she is still single, There is something bad wrong with her...)

· Registered
6,784 Posts
Re: Don\'t let the door hit you in the a$$, jeepchick..

Too many fish in the sea...
I'm a reef diver too!!

I had a different house mouse last month, and I'll have a different one next month if I get tired of this one...
It normally takes all of about three days to find another one.

52% of the population are women.
With all of the males (I won't call them men) deciding it's trendy to be queer, many of the male population being too old to be competition, and 1.4 million of competing age in jail, it is becoming a target rich environment.

Women are not fair in their dealings with men...
I love redheads in particular...
Women lie about... EVERYTHING!
With makeup, hair color, false eye lashes, false boobs, false lip lines, body wraps, ect, ect.
You can just never tell how much is bondo and how much is real...

And the girl you first meet and fall for, is never the same person five minutes into your first argument...
And God help you if you a dumb enough to marry Dr. Mary Jekyll, because Mrs. Mauler Hyde is soon to show up after the wedding vows...

Men are normally restrained to the real world.
This is a problem when we get into arguments with women.
Men will fight over someone throwing a beer in our face, or someone insulting or mothers...
Women have no such restraint.

They will start a fight about you looking at another woman ten years ago...
(The 'Drag Up' Fight)
Or something they saw about another man on Oprah, has nothing to do with you...
(The Oprah Fight)
Or if you laugh in your sleep, they assume you are 'Cheating' with a dream woman...
(The 'Dream' Fight)
Or if they think you aren't paying enough attention to them...
(The 'You Didn't Cuddle, Now We Fight" Fight)
Then there is PMS... (Poor Me Syndrome)
(The "I Don't Feel Good, So You Must Be A Cheating Pig" Fight)

There are lots of others,
The 'I don't have enough shoes' fight,
The 'I don't have a thing to wear' fight,
The 'I ate everything in the kitchen, and now I gained weight' fight,
(other wise known as the, "Do I Look Fat In This?" Fight)
The 'I hate my life, and it's all your fault' fight,
You get the picture....

The real test is,... Does she gain weight the same night you give her an engagement ring?
If she puts on 10 to 15 pounds between engagement ring and wedding ring, you are in for serious trouble.
If she spends 10 to 15 thousand dollars between engagement ring and wedding ring, you are in for serious trouble.
(you know, new car, expensive wedding, new shoes, jewelry, furniture, ect...)

The smart ones will wait until after you are married to ruin your credit.
That way they get it all in the divorce...
You know, The 'I got your balls, you get the bills' divorce settlement?...

I love women.
I have to.
There are no other options for me.
Think about the alternative...

I have the perfect life for someone like me...
I don't argue with them.
When something bothers me about a woman, I date her sister...
Quite effective!
Although, you do have to watch where you tell the current house mouse she's being traded in on a newer model, especially if you are trading for her sister...
If you do it in the car, expect her to rip the rear view mirror off the windshield and beat you in the head with it... (true story...)

NEVER, under any circumstances, buy a woman a gun, and teach her to shoot!!
You don't want to get shot with a gun you paid for when she finds out you are doing her best friend or sister...

The woman that left involuntarily about two or three back said I have a problem with commitment.
She is correct.
They would have committed me years ago if they could catch me...

Rules for living with women, according to women...
1. Nothing in the history of the world, under any circumstances, has ever been any woman's fault.
2. All bad things that befall women are caused by men. No exceptions.
3. Men are rude, vial, disgusting creatures, responsible for everything wrong.
4. Men were put on earth to earn money for women, and occasionally do auto maintenance and lawn care...
5. Men, under no circumstances, are ever correct about anything.
6. If men really loved women, they would bring them flowers every day.
7. The flowers would be wrapping for diamond jewelry.
8. All men are wrong, and women are saints for putting up with them...
9. No man will ever be as smart as the average blonde...
10. All Men Suck, See Rules #1 & 2.

It's just another day on planet Earth...
Here we go again, around and around....

Later folks, Aaron.

"I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha"

· Registered
6,784 Posts
Re: Don\'t let the door hit you in the a$$, jeepchick..

My point exactly!!
If she thinks drinking in bars, playing hookie from work with the brown bottle flu, and shoplifting are just fine, what is she going to do to you?
What about cheating on another man WITH you....
If you take her, You are about the become the man she's cheating ON.....

And about the cake comment....
I prefer Pie to cake!
Nothing like raisin pie!!

"I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha"
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