Join Date: Jun 2002
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Here are a few deep thoughts I found humor in, some are corny, but others are hilarious:
By Jack Handy
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.