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post #1 of (permalink) Old 04-04-2005, 09:40 PM Thread Starter
 
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Are you an *******?

Well, fasten your seatbelt kids, here we go… (Cue up the Prodigy CD-The Fat of The Land- Track 1, Push play now…)

If you're talking on your cell phone and driving a car, you're an *******.

If you wear Ugg boots in the middle of July, you’re an *******. Wait scratch that. If you have ever worn Ugg boots, you’re an *******.

If you think you’re pretty and can cut in line at the club, but you’re still not putting out, you’re an *******.

If you ever called yourself a “souljah”, you’re an *******.

If your out at the bar with the guys, and you're all wearing the same kind of trendy striped shirt, you’re an *******.

If you still have a “Vote for John Kerry” bumper sticker on your car, truck, or SUV, you’re an *******. The election is over, deal with it!

If you walk your dog down the street and you don’t pick up your dogs ****, you’re an *******.

If you ever called George Ganoe an *******, you should be beaten, he’s the nicest guy alive, and you’re an *******.

If you’re the manager of my apartment and you don’t return my calls about the maintenance problems I have in this ****hole, yep you guessed it; you’re an *******. I hope this apartment building burns!

If you own a pet less than five pounds, dress it, and carry it around town with you, you’re an *******.

If you jump out from the side of the street unexpectedly at a cross walk in West Hollywood, staring at me because I came to a screeching stop in my truck, nearly hitting your ass; and then point at me when you cross the street like I’m the *******…nope, you got it backwards, you’re the *******!

If you don’t tip your waitress, valet, bellhop, or taxi driver, you’re an *******.

If my smoking cigarettes bothers you and we’re outside, yet you need to make a comment, you’re an *******.

If you use big college words when you speak, even though it's not necessary, you’re an *******.

If your T-Mobile Side Kick gets hacked online, exposing the phone numbers and email addresses of all your Hollywood friends, you’re an *******.

If you ever tried to commit suicide and failed miserably, you’re an *******.

If you left your daughter in the parking lot of a super market and she became orphaned and had to live with an old guy named Henry during the 80’s, you’re an *******.

If you protested the presidential inauguration, stopped traffic with your signs, and made me and thousands of others late for a third shift at work in West LA- you, not the President, are hurting the economy, and you’re an *******.

If you don’t eat meat, you’re an *******.

If you make out in line at a bank and I can hear the lip smacking and slobber from your mouths, you’re both *******s!

If you’re a multimillionaire twin by your 18th birthday and develop an eating disorder, you’re an *******.

If you recite any one-liner from the Dave Chappell show, as in “I’m Rick James bitch!”…guess what…It was funny when Chappell did it, but you… you’re an *******.

If you get caught pleasuring yourself in public, you’re an *******. Find a better spot than under a tree in the metro park.

If you order a #4 from McDonalds, have it super sized, and ask for a Diet Coke, you’re an *******.

If you wrote an article about why everyone else is an *******, you're an *******.

If you want to change the Second Amendment, I’ll shoot you, you’re an *******.

If you didn’t tell your mother you loved her the last time you spoke, you’re an *******.

If you told my mother you loved her, and you aren’t in my immediate family, you’re an *******.

If you hate the President and/or America, move to France, because you’re an *******.

If you question my bar room authority while you’re in my bar, remember I’m the bouncer, and you’re the *******.

If you’re still reading this, you’re an *******.

If you ever abused a puppy, you’re an *******.

If your parents are *******s you can pretty much assume, you too are an *******.

If you’re roofing next door at 7 AM on a Saturday morning, you woke me up, and you’re an *******.

If you ever made fun of the elderly, you’re an *******.

If you…I can keep going on forever but you, being an *******, are probably sick of reading this, so I’ll quit being an ******* and assume you got the point.

As you can see, there are many *******s out there. Not just in Toronto, *******s are everywhere. For all the *******s out there, I got some advice on how to not be an *******. STOP. Just stop. ****ing stop and think before you do dumb ****. Don’t be an *******!

We had a lot of fun here today. We sure did offend a lot of *******s! If you’d like to talk about your last ******* encounter with an *******, feel free to do so at the bottom of the page in the comments section. Together, we can all stop being *******s and make this world an ******* free place to live.

Thanks for reading …*******.
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post #2 of (permalink) Old 04-04-2005, 10:07 PM
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Re: Are you an *******?

I'm an ******* but I didn't read the post yet.

It's been a while, mang.
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post #3 of (permalink) Old 04-04-2005, 10:25 PM
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Re: Are you an *******?

*ss*ole [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/censor.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
Could u tone it down a little, eh. My kids read this board too [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]
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post #4 of (permalink) Old 04-05-2005, 12:20 AM
 
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Re: Are you an *******?

How could you forget people who don't yeild to emergency vehicles...man I hate those people
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post #5 of (permalink) Old 04-06-2005, 11:51 AM
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Re: Are you an *******?

If you ever called George Ganoe an *******, you should be beaten, he’s the nicest guy alive, and you’re an *******.

I never called this guy an ass hole, but that might be because I don't know who he is.
post #6 of (permalink) Old 04-08-2005, 10:21 PM
 
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Re: Are you an *******?

If you pull close to someone at 75mph to read their bumper sticker, find out its about the earth and drop back half a mile because that threatens your religion, you are an *******.
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post #7 of (permalink) Old 04-08-2005, 10:49 PM
 
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Re: Are you an *******?

this brings song to my demented brain by david allan coe or rodney carrington....."were you born an a-hole or did you work at it your whole life? either way it worked out fine cause your and a-hole tonight............" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/40BEER.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/chairfall.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/givemebeer.gif[/img]
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post #8 of (permalink) Old 04-09-2005, 11:45 AM
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Re: Are you an *******?

If you make rules for others to live by, and don't live by them yourself, yep your an *******! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/RockOn.gif[/img]
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post #9 of (permalink) Old 04-12-2005, 01:12 AM
 
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Re: Are you an *******?

If you claim to be an environmentalist and then turn your back on the off roaders than also love that land, you are an *******.
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post #10 of (permalink) Old 04-12-2005, 07:33 AM
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Re: Are you an *******?

Denis Leary...

I'm an *******, and I'm proud of it.

...works for me... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/givemebeer.gif[/img][img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/40BEER.gif[/img][img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/puke.gif[/img][img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/applause.gif[/img][img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bow.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/chair.gif[/img]
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