France, What a Joke - Off-Road Forums & Discussion Groups
The NOT-Off-Road Lounge Talk any topic NOT related to Off-Road vehicles. ESTABLISHED COMMUNITY MEMBERS ONLY - NO SPAMMERS.

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of (permalink) Old 03-04-2003, 10:24 PM
Posts: n/a
France, What a Joke

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of
French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who
inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are
victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose
two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as

The Dutch War - Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost,
but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the
world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more
action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second
Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost.
Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home
alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United
States and Britain. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not
only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in
the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. Prompted massive
ad campaign for surplus French World War II rifles: "Never fired, only
dropped once."

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the
Dien Bien Flu. Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a
western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces
the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule
is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English,
Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to
Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese
ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Classic Quote: "Going
to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --
Donald Rumsfeld
Sponsored Links
post #2 of (permalink) Old 03-05-2003, 08:30 AM
Keyboard Implanted
piaa_nissan's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Forest Grove Oregon USA
Posts: 2,208
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Re: France, What a Joke

piaa_nissan is offline  
post #3 of (permalink) Old 03-05-2003, 08:45 AM
Keyboard Implanted
Sparty's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: GR, Michigan
Posts: 2,515
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Re: France, What a Joke

[img]images/graemlins/goodpost.gif[/img] to both of you! the french people are protesting there own government for not going to war. the people of france want to help but there officials wont let them
Sparty is offline  
post #4 of (permalink) Old 03-05-2003, 04:27 PM
Posts: n/a
Re: France, What a Joke

bravo! that took a lot of typing. I took world history last year and couldnt remember half the stuff you listed, well, i guess it has something to do with drawing pics of trucks rather than taking notes. [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] . [img]images/graemlins/goodpost.gif[/img]
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Off-Road Forums & Discussion Groups forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome