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post #1 of (permalink) Old 01-13-2003, 05:12 PM Thread Starter
 
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joke of the day - - add yours

ok. here we go. no offence to the gals. [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

why don't women fart?????? [img]images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]


because, they don't keep their mouth shut long enough to build any pressure!!! [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

time to add yours [img]images/graemlins/givemebeer.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/cussing.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/bs.gif[/img]

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post #2 of (permalink) Old 01-13-2003, 06:25 PM
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Re: joke of the day - - add yours

Ok here we go:

A man was hitch hikin' when a guy in a semi picks him up. They drive for a while making idle chit chat when the semi driver asks the guy "You want to see something cool?" The guy says "OK." The semi truck driver whistles and a monkey jumps out of the back and starts going to town on his twig and giggle berries. When the truck driver was done, he gave the monkey a little pop on the head and he quit and went back to the back. About an hour went by and the semi truck driver calls the monkey again and the monkey does his thing but this time he hits the monkey harder. It stunned the monkey but then he got up and went back to the cab of the truck again. Another hour passes and the same thing happens but when the truck driver is done this time, he drills the monkey causing him to slam into the truck dash. The monkey slowly gets up and stumbles to the back of the truck. After that the truck driver leans over to the guy and asks, "You wanna try?" and the hitch hiker says "Well, alright but you gotta promise not to hit me." [img]images/graemlins/puke.gif[/img]
post #3 of (permalink) Old 01-13-2003, 07:04 PM
 
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Re: joke of the day - - add yours

<font color="blue"> T H E "F" - W O R D S T Y L E G U I D E

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "[bleep]". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language,"[bleep] falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John [bleep] Mary) and intransitive (Mary was [bleep] by John).

It can be an action verb (John really gives a [bleep]), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a [bleep]), an adverb (Mary is [bleep] interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific [bleep]). It can also be used as an adjective(Mary is [bleep] beautiful) or an interjection ([bleep]! I'm late for my date with Mary).

It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, [bleep] she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "[bleep]".

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings "How the [bleep] are ya?"
2. Fraud "I got [bleep] by the car dealer."
3. Resignation "Oh, [bleep] it!"
4. Trouble "I guess I'm [bleep] now."
5. Aggression "[bleep] YOU!"
6. Disgust "[bleep] me."
7. Confusion "What the [bleep].......?"
8. Difficulty "I don't understand this [bleep] business!"
9. Despair "[bleep] again..."
10. Pleasure "I [bleep] couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure "What the [bleep] is going on here?"
12. Lost "Where the [bleep] are we."
13. Disbelief "UN[bleeping]BELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation "Up your [bleep] ass!"
15. Denial "I didn't [bleep] do it."
16. Perplexity "I know [bleep] all about it."
17. Apathy "Who really gives a [bleep], anyhow?"
18. Greetings "How the [bleep] are ya?"
19. Suspicion "Who the [bleep] are you?"
20. Panic "Let's get the [bleep] out of here."
21. Directions "[bleep] off."
22. Disbelief "How the [bleep] did you do that?"


It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a [bleep] [bleep]."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five [bleep] thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this [bleep] job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother[bleep]."

It can be political- "[bleep] Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

"What the [bleep] was that?"
Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where did all these [bleep] Indians come from?"
General Custer

"Where the [bleep] is all this water coming from?"
Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real [bleep] gun."
John Lennon

"Who's gonna [bleep] find out?"
Richard Nixon

"I did *NOT* [bleep] her!"
Bill Clinton

"Heads are going to [bleep] roll."
Anne Boleyn

"It's someone's 100th [bleep] birthday today!"
Willard Scott

"Any [bleep] idiot could understand that."
Albert Einstein

"It does so [bleep] look like her!"
Picasso

"How the [bleep] did you work that out?"
Pythagoras

"You want what on the [bleep] ceiling?"
Michaelangelo

"You say they're free?? [bleep] yeah... let me have ten of them!" Moses

"[bleep] a duck."
Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its [bleep] there!"
Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna [bleep] rain?"
Joan of Arc

"She wants how much [bleep] money?!?!?"
Donald Trump

"Look! Almost every [bleep] kernel popped!"
Orville Reddenbacher
</font color>
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post #4 of (permalink) Old 01-13-2003, 07:36 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: joke of the day - - add yours

oh god!! GMC, THAT'S the one. geesh, i was rollin on that one!! that is some good [img]images/graemlins/cussing.gif[/img]

low gear, yours kinda go's along the line of the two ranchers gag. always a classic!! [img]images/graemlins/burnout.gif[/img]
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post #5 of (permalink) Old 01-14-2003, 08:57 AM
 
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Re: joke of the day - - add yours

3 guys walk into a bar, the 4th guy ducks
[img]images/graemlins/burnout.gif[/img]
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post #6 of (permalink) Old 01-14-2003, 08:58 AM
 
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horse walks into a bar, bartender asks,,Hey, why so long in the face [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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post #7 of (permalink) Old 01-14-2003, 09:15 AM
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Re: joke of the day - - add yours

in china there are over 40,000 people with the same last name. so if your looking in the phone book, how do you know if you have the Wong number?

~`~`~ when i get home i will reference the book "drew carey, dirty jokes and beer" and get back to you. he has some good ones.
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post #8 of (permalink) Old 01-14-2003, 09:28 AM
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Re: joke of the day - - add yours

At a little grade school in Pittsburgh a teacher is talking with her students about football. She tells the students that she is a Steelers fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Steelers fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand, except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Steelers fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Steelers fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Patriots fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why are you a Patriots fan?"
"Because my mom is a Pats fan and my dad is a Pats fan, so I'm a Pats fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Patriots fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your Mom was a moron and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?"
"Then," Janie smiled, "We'd be Steelers fans."

[img]images/graemlins/AR15firing.gif[/img] the Detroit Lions
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post #9 of (permalink) Old 01-14-2003, 02:29 PM
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Re: joke of the day - - add yours

Little Old Lady

A little old lady wants to join a biker club
She knocks on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tatoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your biker club."
The guy is amused and tells her that she needs to meet certain biker requirements before she is allowed to join.
So the biker asks her, "You have you a bike"
The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool.
" The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
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post #10 of (permalink) Old 01-14-2003, 07:15 PM
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Re: joke of the day - - add yours

Did you hear about the midget that has 30lb balls hes half nuts...
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