Short and humorous - The Evil Empire - Off-Road Forums & Discussion Groups
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 08-01-2011, 05:40 PM Thread Starter
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Short and humorous - The Evil Empire

Known throughout the world wide cosmos as Coyote Keith, Keith Pullman, who takes his road and recreation rights seriously, launched a galactic investigation into the lawfulness of rules, regulations and orders established by Queen Suth of The Evil Empire of State Parks. Keith used the new quasar powered laser probe to search the deep, black holes of public records and scrutinize the public road status of roads and trails established a long, long time ago in a far away and desolate solar system categorized as “Area 52 - The Long Forbidden Land of the Anza-Borrego Desert State Park.”

The laser probe recovered multiple images and sent a cache of cookies at light speed to the computer module mounted in the right-side dash of Keith’s F3050 8x8. With a steady hand on the blue oval control stick of his starship, Keith leaned over, activated the module with a quick pupil scan and spoke “Report by hologram.” Awesome! As expected for over a millennium, most of the roads that traverse The Long Forbidden Land are county roads; of which the desert people, long treated by The Evil Empire as deserts rats with no rights, have the right to travel by all legal modes of stellar transport - even the dreaded, desert soil busting bicycle! What about trails from eons ago when The Barbaric Ones traveled by foot and on the backs of beasts? The second hologram flickered for a nanosecond before authenticating that historic foot and horse trails are county roads; of which the desert rats were always free to travel. Keith’s pet, a tightly coiled rattlesnake that lay at his feet, hissed in delight, gobbled down a kangaroo rat and washed the vile creature down with stale water from an antique sheep tank.

The third screen of the hologram documented the blockage of Coyote Canyon Road in the year 1995. Horrified by the possibility of being locked out, the desert rats saw the blockage as a bad omen. Thousands of desert rats ignited and fired up their transporters, roared to their defense, and opposed with manly firmness the blockage of their only route of ingress to The Favored Land. Alas, it was not to be! The self-proclaimed keepers of the Holy Canyon scoffed at the rats and roared with the force of thunder “The road is not a public road and was constructed by you rats across our parkland without permission by The Queen.”

Finished with lunch, Keith dumped a half-finished soda, a few crackers and a banana peel into the Flux Capacitor, traveled back in time and discovered that the road was mapped as early as 1915. Not one to hang in time, Keith refueled, traveled back to the future of the 1970’s, and found that The Evil Empire and its ally, BLM 666, had mapped the road as a public road that could and would be used by The Evil Empire and its Desert Council, and even the desert rats for a short time, to access The Holy Canyon.

After dinner, Keith refueled the Flux Capacitor with the leftovers and set the space/time continuum to warp in the year 1933. In less than a blink, Keith discovered that The Division of Parks, predecessor to The Evil Empire, had mapped The Holy Canyon as the northern Gateway to The Holy Park of The Desert and had employed the fabled Civilian Conservation Corps to reconstruct The Ancient Road from The Cloud City of Anza through The Holy Canyon to The Sand City of Borrego Springs.

In the year 2009, Queen Suth and Princess Sara forbid Keith from speaking to their subjects regarding the blockage of The Ancient Road, hid their golden records of public past from his view, and ordered two State Park Empire Enforcers to cast Keith forever from the offices of The Empire. Invincible, Keith smiled the smile of a wily coyote, refueled, went back to the future of 2011, spoke to his Advisor of All Things Unlawful, and for his love of the rights of all desert rats, established Coyote Canyon Citizens Association.

Coyote Canyon Citizens Association will challenge as unlawful: Blockage of Coyote Canyon/De Anza Road. Prohibition against public travel and maintenance of public roads that traverse the Anza-Borrego Desert State Park. Summer closure of Coyote Canyon and public roads and trails that traverse the canyon. Prohibition against free-range horseback riding in the park and State Wilderness Areas within the park. Reclassification of the vast majority of the park as State Wilderness.

Coyote Canyon Citizens Association will seek damages and penalties through litigation on behalf of all members for deprivation of their right to travel; and deprivations of other lawfully protected rights. Preparation for litigation will commence when membership reaches 7,500.

Membership in Coyote Canyon Citizens Association is limited for practical reasons. At this point in time, Coyote Canyon Citizens Association would like to give members of the motorized, on-road and off-road community first shot at obtaining monetary compensation for deprivations of their rights.

It almost goes without saying that money in the pockets of off-roaders is a good thing for them, their local and state clubs, and the off-road business industry.

Rally the Troops! Please email this short story to your off-road friends, clubs and orgs across the State!

Keith Pullman
President and Director of Operations
Coyote Canyon Citizens Association
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