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post #1 of (permalink) Old 08-29-2000, 10:06 PM
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OT - about understanding TEXAS

Someone on another board posted this. Some will understand it, others will appreciate it and still others will be scratching their head after reading it.

RULES WHILE IN TEXAS:

RULE 1:
Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.

RULE 2:
Don't laugh at folks' names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tommie Jo, Johnny Bob, Mari Beth, Marva, Edna Earl, and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.

RULE 3:
Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi, Sprite, or Dr. Pepper. Got it?

RULE 4:
Southern women don't fancy the smart mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have Big brothers and Bigger daddies.

RULE 5:
Don't show allegiances to any other school football team but the Longhorns or Aggies. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who play Wyoming every week.

RULE 6:
Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot. We just talk that way to piss you off.

RULE 7:
Yes, we know the humidity is high; just quit complaining, spend your money, and go home.

RULE 8:
No, the state symbol of TEXAS is not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is ticking us off too.

RULE 9:
Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this, everyone will know you're from Nebraska. Just eat the biscuits like GOD meant for you to do. And do not order poached eggs. No one from the South eats eggs poached.

RULE 10:
Don't try to talk with a Southern accent if you don't have one or use regional idioms you can't possibly understand. Nothing makes us madder.

RULE 11:
Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. We're not going to change to make you happy. So if you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are!

RULE 12:
Our food isn't overcooked; yours is undercooked.

RULE 13:
Down here, "Kiss my ass" is a perfectly acceptable way to close an argument. You can't get more closure than that.

RULE 14:
Flirting is a Southern tradition. It doesn't mean you're going home with someone later. It doesn't mean the person flirting with you is even interested. It's all just practice.

Rule 15:
Take your hat off when you say the words "Tom Landry."



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post #2 of (permalink) Old 08-29-2000, 10:59 PM
 
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Re: OT - about understanding TEXAS

Amen to that Doug.
What part of Houston do you live in?
I have a good friend in Spring, but he is at college now, but that is where he comes from.

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post #3 of (permalink) Old 08-30-2000, 12:25 AM
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Re: OT - about understanding TEXAS

Hell. I got to Texas for the very first time last year in February. Drove the GC down through Dallas and San Antonio from Oklahoma to South Padre Island and spent a long weekend there. Then drove up the Rio Grande to El Paso and out through New Mexico.

Love the country, love the pace, love the food, love the people and will be back when I'm able. As this piece of humor shows, Texans are big enough to joke about themselves.

And, for those who didn't know it already, this is a part of the country where they deliver ice tea in goddamn tanker trucks!

I wouldn't even try to do the accent.

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post #4 of (permalink) Old 08-30-2000, 08:03 AM
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Re: OT - about understanding TEXAS

45-Auto WROTE: "As this piece of humor shows, Texans are big enough to joke about themselves." Humor? What humor.....Thats' the God's honest truth.[img]/wwwthreads_images/icons/smile.gif[/img]


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post #5 of (permalink) Old 08-30-2000, 10:39 AM
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Re: OT - about understanding TEXAS

>What part of Houston do you live in?
I have a good friend in Spring, but he is at college now, but that is where he comes from.

I live in far SW Houston, just north of Sugarland. Some say it's "East San Antonio".



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post #6 of (permalink) Old 08-30-2000, 10:53 AM
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Re: OT - about understanding TEXAS

You are right about the ice tea. The better cafes serve it in an "ice tea" glass, a big plastic glass - about 7" in diameter at the top and tall enough so that you get your thumb and first finger wet when stiring in the sugar with a LONG ice tea spoon. A straw will not reach the bottom and still be usable. Ice tea through a straw???? How awful!
Big ol' glass of ice tea, a big plate of BEEF ribs with more in the bbq, big ceiling fan, a concrete or dirt floor, big Texas sunshine and fellow Jeepers for company ---- doesn't get much better than that.

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post #7 of (permalink) Old 08-30-2000, 11:09 AM
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Re: OT - about understanding TEXAS

<font color=purple>I've seen this exact same thread used as "understanding Florida" - they just changed the sports teams & coaches. For Texas, you need to definitely change "Delta" to "American" or "Southwest".[img]/wwwthreads_images/icons/smile.gif[/img] </font color=purple>

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