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post #1 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 01:00 PM Thread Starter
 
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Barbie Jeep, Mall Jeep, Mail Order Jeep, Utility Jeep, What Kind Of Jeep Do You Have?

Some friends and I were hanging out at the local Mexican Food joint (one of our favorite haunts) when the discussion of my "$1,000 Sh!t Pile" came up...

Then we discussed (sometimes heatedly!) the different types of Jeeps and 4x4 vehicles in general, that have evolved in the last few years...
We came up with a list, that with a few exceptions that deify description, cover 99% of what we see...

1. Daily Drivers.
Usage, Putting food on the table, keeping the kids in beans and jeans.
Nothing more honest in the world.
No pretense, no faking, not really any style, neglected but trustworthy.
Starts nearly every time you turn the key, and feels like an old friend.

2. Utility Vehicles.
Usage, Short Street Trips, Trail, Working Vehicle.
Usually pretty ugly, with lots of honest dents and scratches.
Not the primary transportation, but does have to get in and out of places that would make a billy goat panic.
Lots of 'Character' but no 'Style' what so ever!
Everything has a purpose and was chosen by utility rather than looks or creature comfort considerations.
Money is spent sparingly and the owners take pride in doing everything for very little money (or free! if they can).


3. 'Hobby' Vehicles.
Usage, To give the owner something to do and maybe have some fun with if it's not a garage queen it's entire life.
These can be anything from Sunny Sunday afternoon drivers to comfortable trail riders.
Emphasis is on craftsmanship and comfort with the vehicle.
Not much is changed until something breaks, then every part in that system is scrutinized, upgraded to a higher standard, and cared for.
These are not the vehicles you see people crashing into solid objects or buried in mud pits, but you do see them on the trails regularly...

4. Serious Off Roaders.
Usage, Kill or be killed by obstacles!
Owners of serious off roaders take any obstacle as a personal insult and try to give it what for!
These guys are no longer street able, but they are not about to miss an opportunity to hit the dirt! (Or mud/rocks as the case may be!).
These vehicles usually look like escapees from a junk yard, but have a ton of money, not to mention time and effort invested in them...

5. Vehicle Restoration.
Usage, Shows, parades, museum displays, occasional sunny Sunday drives.
Often not overly expensive (because these guys don't break parts and damage body panels every other weekend), but totally consuming of all free time and deposable income.
I love to look at them, but I'd never own one (unless I owned a museum).

6. 'Barbie' Jeeps,
Usage, To get spoiled girls/women to and from more shopping or hair/fingernail/spa appointments.
Automatic everything, including tampon dispenser and perfume/sunglasses organizer.
Usually found making left turns from the right lane, holding up traffic in the left lane, backing up in highway traffic, parked cross ways of two spaces and generally making a nescience of them selves.
Never been in 4 wheel drive, doesn't know how to do anything but put gas in.
Usually has rubs on the front corners of the bumper and dent in the back somewhere from lousy driving.

7. Mall Crawlers,
Usage, Used to annoy anyone over the age of 25 by blasting out 'Gansta Rap' and ignoring all traffic & parking laws.
Always holding up traffic, but will speed up to annoy pedestrians.
Can be identified by the fancy polished rims (usually missing center caps) that have been allowed to deteriorate, Cheap bolt on crap,...
And the 'Whoomp!, Whoomp!, Whoomp! bass note coming out of it, profanity used by the occupants, and the total inability of the occupants to wear any type of cloths correctly.
This jeep has been 'Off Highway' if you count backing through someone's yard to steal from their garage...

This particular brand of idiot may have actually LOWERED his vehicle and removed or otherwise disabled the 4x4!
These particular morons may have installed wings, louvers, air dams or spoilers...
This alone should be punishable by slow drowning in 10w40 oil followed by a good butt whoopin'!

8. Mail Order Jeeps,
Usage, A format and substructure for hanging as many aftermarket bolt on accessories as the owner can afford.
Easy to identify, but may be confused with a 'Barbie Jeep' or 'Mall Crawler' until a middle aged geek gets out of the drivers seat...

Aluminum rims with simulated bead locks with no scratches,
Lift kit or custom suspension components with no scratches or bends/dents, axles will probably be painted some obnoxious color...

Lots of chrome and bolt on crap, like lights, flags, stickers, antennas, ect.
The owner will go on at nauseam about how much his Jeep cost and how useful all the parts are...
Useless for all available intents and purposes, this vehicle is a rolling testament to how NOT to spend money on a 4x4...

9. The 'None Of The Above' Jeeps,
Usage, Varies from owner to owner...
One jeep may be stretched into a limousine, another may be made into a back hoe with bucket loader, still another may be made into a pro gas race car...
I've seen one mounted with a set of wings like the owner wanted it to fly, and yet another with the bed cut away and a hog cage mounted on the back, and another with drive wheels up front, and a single steerable wheel where the bed should be...
While I find these a distraction/amusement, I really can't lump them into any of the groups above...
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post #2 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 01:46 PM
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post #3 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 01:50 PM
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I would have to say #4 !!!!
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post #4 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 02:31 PM
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Mine is definitely a #3. Would like to have a #4, but finances and necessity keep it a #3. And I'm happy with it as it is. Just wishing for an 8.8".
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post #5 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 02:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Junk Yard Genius View Post
1. Daily Drivers.
Usage, Putting food on the table, keeping the kids in beans and jeans.
Nothing more honest in the world.
No pretense, no faking, not really any style, neglected but trustworthy.
Starts nearly every time you turn the key, and feels like an old friend.
The above is where my Cherokee fits in. However, it is not neglected; the routine maintenance is kept up and it is kept in good running order. Trustworthiness (or reliability) is not something that can be taken for granted.
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post #6 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 03:26 PM
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In the garage I have:

#4 - My TJ

#3 - My Scrambler, although it isn't quite ready for prime time yet. When done, it will be the most capable CJ that never sees the dirt.

I also have a mutant #3/#7 '78 Bronco.

"And then I said, 'Just like that, but with more gas!' Oops..."
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post #7 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 03:38 PM
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Three, I guess.

EVERYTHING's easy for the guy who doesn't have to do it.
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post #8 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 04:24 PM
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mine will be a delightful blend of 2 and 3......right now its nothing....

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post #9 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 04:37 PM
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1- #1

1- #2

1-#3

Maybe a Kaiser in the near future.
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post #10 of (permalink) Old 04-22-2007, 04:37 PM
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2,3,4

It's a wheeler that after a little more work will be at home on any trail. I drive it every now and then, took it to wally world for groceries the other day and the the woods/ beach today to go on a hike. It'll do about 50mph without needing a diper for my passanger but hopefully will do 65 or so when I get done with it.

It's not pretty but it gets the job done with a couple holes in the floor and some primer and some orange paint on the outside. The heat needs to be fixed, the only time I tried it somke poured out of the defroster duct.

No crazy super duper mods, it doesn't have a slinky suspension, the most expensive things on it besides the $1600 purchse price are the tires/ bead locks and winch sitting in the basement. It may get some super strong axles but that's a realiability thing. If I have the $$ I'll put it in it and do a minor modification. Before the bash I plan on a roll bar, sliders, bumpers, gas tank skid, a quiet exhaust and some body work. After that I plan on all new motor/trans/t-case gaskets, hoses, and mounts also a t-case re-build and twin stick because the shifter is messed up.
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