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post #1 of (permalink) Old 09-18-2006, 03:43 PM Thread Starter
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O/T Guantanamo Bay Solution

[Disclaimer] This is a Joke, it is ment as a Joke. It is not ment to become a open discussion and rant on Politics, Pencils or correct Tambourine usage. It is not be Hijacked to start a fight on how smart you are and dumb everyone else is. In short please don't relieve yourself all over this post, it is just a joke afterall. [/Disclaimer]

A Lady wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the
treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo

Bay. She received back the following reply:

The White House1600 Pennsylvania Avenue


Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,
Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion
was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining
Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation
under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed
Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for
pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant care-takers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for
Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help
him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing
these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you
plan to offer counselling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills
at your next yoga group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless
(in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually),
since he views females as a sub-human form of property. This is a particularly
sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies
around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will
recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will, over time, come to
enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious
beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of
Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially, your friend,

Don Rumsfeld
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