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post #1 of (permalink) Old 01-08-2006, 12:56 AM Thread Starter
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OT History Lesson

Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat .

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:
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post #2 of (permalink) Old 01-08-2006, 02:40 AM
 
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Re: OT History Lesson

[ QUOTE ]
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'


[/ QUOTE ]

So were not going with the intelligent design argument? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
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post #3 of (permalink) Old 01-08-2006, 10:41 AM
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Outstanding! Yep, not only do their women have higher testosterone levels but they also have more hair.........everywhere. But then, maybe that goes with the higher testosterone levels.

Liberal: Like sheep, one who believes that wolves are vegetarians.
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post #4 of (permalink) Old 01-08-2006, 01:51 PM
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Re: OT History Lesson

[ QUOTE ]
Here ends today's lesson in world history:

[/ QUOTE ]

WhooHoo! That's an outa the park homer if I've ever read one! Good on ya for the post. Now then, is writing this up what you've been up to during the slower days over there, or are you just passing on a (very) good read?


[ QUOTE ]
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, since I can honestly lay claim to a number of the above descriptions, WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HIRE ME!?!?!?!?! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] (I'll promise to forget everything I ever learned about personal injury law... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img] )
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post #5 of (permalink) Old 01-09-2006, 01:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: OT History Lesson

I wish I could take credit for it. I read that on a foruum at www.togetherweserved.com

An excellent site for any Marine.
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post #6 of (permalink) Old 01-09-2006, 09:31 AM
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Re: OT History Lesson

[ QUOTE ]
I wish I could take credit for it. I read that on a foruum at www.togetherweserved.com

An excellent site for any Marine.

[/ QUOTE ]

"Togetherweserved": Yup, absolutely a great site - wish I had more time to explore it more. A bunch of you guys have sent invites to me to join. Finally did, and also volunteered to provide assistance when/as appropriate (constrained by USMC & legal ethics and conflict of interest rules).

There's another pretty good USMC-oriented website out there: "Sgt. Grit" www.grunt.com. Though commercial in nature (sells alot of neat/unique USMC-related stuff), it also contains plenty of heart-swelling, lump-in-the-throat-type good reading. As well, he sends out an excellent (mo'ly?) newsletter (that I wish I had time to thoroughly read [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] ).

Thanks again for the original post. When you due back CONUS?
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post #7 of (permalink) Old 01-09-2006, 09:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: OT History Lesson

We both should be back in about a month.
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