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post #1 of (permalink) Old 01-20-2005, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
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O/T - Sending Old Men To War

Just got this email from a friend...found it interesting...

Sending Old Men To War

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington DC. But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food.

We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends (It's purposely in big type for us old guys)
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post #2 of (permalink) Old 01-20-2005, 03:59 PM
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

Amen, sign me up!

If politicians had to fight the war they start... there'd be fewer wars...
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post #3 of (permalink) Old 01-21-2005, 05:55 AM
 
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

I kinda though about this also. I'd rather go then send my kids. Maybe they ought to take 1 person from each family. Let the family deside.

Besides,
Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
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post #4 of (permalink) Old 01-21-2005, 06:48 AM
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

Besides, an 18 year old hasn't taken care of any off-spring...
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post #5 of (permalink) Old 01-21-2005, 09:46 AM
 
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

Unless they start allowing you guys to wear those big ugly grandparents glasses, you'd be SOL for aircover. [img]images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Do any of you old folks have 20/20 vision? [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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post #6 of (permalink) Old 01-21-2005, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

Military now only requires your vision to be "correctable to 20/20" and I can do that with my contacts...and my reading glasses... [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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post #7 of (permalink) Old 01-21-2005, 12:11 PM
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

According to my dad, things were harder when he grew up. This fact makes older men tougher than the younger generation that "has it easy".

Can you belive that my dad had to walk uphill to school and uphill back home? And the snow...
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post #8 of (permalink) Old 01-21-2005, 12:24 PM
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

[ QUOTE ]
Can you belive that my dad had to walk uphill to school and uphill back home? And the snow...

[/ QUOTE ]Yep, that's how I did it... <ul type="square">[*]Grades 7 - 9, 3 miles uphill each way[*]Grades 10 - 12, 9 miles uphill each way, on crutches![*]Snow only in the winter[/list][img]images/graemlins/violin.gif[/img]Beat that! [img]images/graemlins/violin.gif[/img]
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post #9 of (permalink) Old 01-21-2005, 12:39 PM
 
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Can you belive that my dad had to walk uphill to school and uphill back home? And the snow...

[/ QUOTE ]Yep, that's how I did it... <ul type="square">[*]Grades 7 - 9, 3 miles uphill each way[*]Grades 10 - 12, 9 miles uphill each way, on crutches![*]Snow only in the winter[/list][img]images/graemlins/violin.gif[/img]Beat that! [img]images/graemlins/violin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

I never got that. The only explanation I can think of is that between your house and the school is a hill in which you have to climb up and down it to get to your school. That would mean on your way back you have climb up a hill as well. So, that would tell me that you may have had to climb up a hill. But the coast down had to be pretty darn easy. In addition, if you are on a bike chances are that on your way down the hill you can glide most of the way to school without doing any work... [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]


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post #10 of (permalink) Old 01-21-2005, 12:44 PM
 
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Re: O/T - Sending Old Men To War

OKay LEVE... Explain that one.
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