O/T funny \"stress relief\" (long)
Someone just ent this to me & it made me laugh so hard I cried...I had to share it.
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone --- don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Fred. Could I please speak with Robin
He replied, "Wrong number, @$$hole!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.)
After hanging up, I decided to call the '@$$hole' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an @$$hole!" and I hung up.
I wrote his number down, with the word '@$$hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an @$$hole!"
It always cheered me up!
When Caller ID came to our area though, I thought my therapeutic '@$$hole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from
the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?"
He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull
into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I mashed the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first @$$hole (I
had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW @$$hole, too.
I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and
the car's parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I let you in on you something?"
"Don, you're an @$$hole!"
Then I hung up, adding his number to my speed dial.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two @$$holes to call.
But after several weeks of calling them, it wasn't as fun as it
used to be.
So, I came up with an idea: I called @$$hole #1.
"You're an @$$hole!" (but I didn't hang up).
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said, "What of it?"
"Stop calling me!!" he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 1802 West 34th Street, [bleep], a yellow house with
my black BMW parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, @$$hole!", before I hung
Then I called @$$hole # 2:
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, @$$hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your @$$," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, @$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now!!"
Then I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.
There, I saw two furious @$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a TV news crew.
Now, I feel much better...
Masquerading as a normal person, day after day, is boring and SO unfulfilling....
- autor unknown