OT - Divorce, how do you guys deal with it? Help!
Well, my wife of almost 10 years, and best friend, has had some medical problems and had some hospital stays to figure out what was wrong (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, problems from her childhood I never knew about and that have only recently surfaced). She was all wacked out on different medications, and tried suicude a few times, which landed her in a different section of several hospitals. Now that they've taken her down off the drugs, she's doing a lot better, and is getting back to her normal self. This has been going on since March. I have supported her and been there for her the whole time, even ditching my job of 10 years to be closer to home, and then getting a lesser paying one (twice) to be at home better hours. I have tried to do all I could for us as a family, and would have given my life for her.
Well, after getting out of the hospital the doctors decided she needed 24 hour care so she went to live with her sister (not my choice, she's a leech and has no morals), who never liked me. She has been there a month and occasionally comes over to see me and the cats. She has not been quite herself and wouldn't let me get close to her. Today I told her I wanted her to move back in with me as the "danger" had passed and she was out on her own doing anything she liked. I have never tried to stifle her before and she could always come and go as she pleased. Well, she says she wants a divorce. She says she doesn't hate me, but rather sees me as a "brother" and has no feelings of love for me anymore. To quote her, she has fallen out of love with me. I have tried to do what I can all along, with flowers, cards, notes, candy, and doing romantic things, like walks and such. We have had our share of financial problems, but they were coming to a close.
I feel like someone tore out my heart and dragged it down the road. We'll remain friends; I still love her, always have. She is the kindest person I have ever known, incapable of lying, cheating, or doing anything dishonest. She would have been a great mother, and we wanted to have kids, but wanted to do the right thing and be financially ready for them (which we would be in about a month). I don't think there is anything to repair, we have talked and nothing I could do could bring her back, she said she wants her independence. She wants to go to school and be out on her own, something she was not able to do. We were married at 24, she was living with her sister, who was using her like cheap labor. She said she doesn't want the house or anything else, she wants me to have them as I have worked so hard to get them, and she wants to be able to make it on her own.
This is very hard for me to deal with, as I am very much against divorce and believe in making things work. I am also losing a lifelong friend, well, more than a friend, a companion who has shared everything for the last 11 years with me. How do you guys that have dealt with divorce make it past the rough times? I have not been sleeping well, eating at all, and the house is a mess. Every thought I have is of her, and the life we once had, I'd give anything to have it back.
I know this will pass. I am rational and still have some sanity, but right now every minute feels like a year. I know I'll find someone else in time, but have no idea if I could ever trust someone again.
I wanted to post this to ask the question above, and to apologize if I seem a little more edgy than usual. Some may have noticed I am on here a little more often lately, I consider you guys my friends and family, and feel some level of peace while on the BBS.
To those of you with wives, and the even luckier ones with kids, give them a big hug, you never know when they won't be around anymore.