OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!! - Off-Road Forums & Discussion Groups
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 12-18-2002, 09:38 PM Thread Starter
 
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OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

I am haveing a war with one of my fiends and need some more ammo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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post #2 of (permalink) Old 12-18-2002, 10:21 PM
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

I need more stars ......

How much wood could a ford truck haul if a ford truck could haul wood?

depends on how big the chevy wrecker is thats hauling it down the road!



To be truthfull though, you gotta admit that it's pretty impressive that 90% of all the fords built in the last ten years ARE still on the road, ..... yep, impressive indeed!




the other 10% made it back home




just remember when it comes down to the important things in life and we're leaving the party to go home on saturday night..... friends don't let friends drive fords
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post #3 of (permalink) Old 12-18-2002, 10:24 PM
 
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

Fixed - Or - Repaired - Daily
Fast - Only -Rolling - Downhill
F*cked - Over - Rebuilt - Dodge
F*cked - On - Race - Day

gotta love those [img]images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] the first two are on windows around here
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post #4 of (permalink) Old 12-19-2002, 12:07 AM
 
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

First-On-Race-Day because it's still there from the last one!

How do you make a Ford go faster? Put a Chevy engine in it.

How do you make a Ford go 60 mph? Push it off a cliff.

How do you doulbe the value of a Ford? Give it a full tank of gas.

That's all for now
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post #5 of (permalink) Old 12-19-2002, 12:29 AM
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

found on russian dump
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post #6 of (permalink) Old 12-19-2002, 12:31 AM
 
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

Just remembered one.

Why are the new Fords more Aerodynamic? So the Chevys towing them can get better gas mileage.
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post #7 of (permalink) Old 12-19-2002, 12:37 AM
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

I still need more stars...

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!"

Ashes to ashes,

Dust to dust,

If is wasn't for Ford

our tools would be rust.


SPEED KILLS

Drive a Ford and live forever.

Buy a Ford and you buy the 'best'. Drive a mile and walk the rest.

Ford acronyms:

F O R D

Found On Rubbish Dumps

Fix Or Repair Daily

Fails On Rainy Days

Fails On Race Day

Found On Roadside Dead

Factory Ordered Road Disaster

Factory Ordered Rebuilt Datsun

Flip Over Read Directions

Four Old Rusted Doors

Ford Owner Really Dumb

For Only Retarded Drivers

(French) - Fabrication Ordinare Reparation Dispendieuse

Ford Owners Recommend Datsun (Dodge)

Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy

For Off Road Death

Fords Only Run Downhill

Fat Old Rusted Dog

Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)

Forget Out Running Datsuns

Or in reverse...

D R O F

Drivers Return On Foot

Don't Ride Over Fifty

Danged Roaches Outrun Ford

Datsun Rules Over Ford

Pinto acronyms...

P I N T O

Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

Put In New Transmission Often

Put In Nickel To Operate

If one or more of these is true, unfortunately, you are driving a Ford...

You look in your rear-view mirror to see two people with their hands on your tailgate.

You constantly receive sympathy cards from the Department of Transportation.

When you are walking across the parking lot, you see a priest performing last rights on your car.

While stopped at traffic lights, other motorists offer to help push to get you started again.

You have preferred customer status at Appco Auto Parts.

You have to stop along side the road at least once a day to pick up parts that have fallen off.

You leave your keys in the ignition and a $20 bill on the dash for gas money in hopes that someone will steal your car.

When you drive though town, people stop what they are doing and just start laughing.

People try to hire you to bring your truck to their house to fog for mosquitos.

In place of a spare tire, you find a pair of running shoes.

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post #8 of (permalink) Old 12-19-2002, 12:39 AM
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

First On Recall Day
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post #9 of (permalink) Old 12-19-2002, 12:51 AM
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

* LINE FROM A SONG SUNG BY A FAMOUS COUNTRY SINGER
"I wanta buy me a Ford truck and push it up and down the road."

* Do you know that Ford has admitted they are expensive and unreliable? That new commercial they are running says so! When that country singer says "If I had me some money" he admits he can't afford one, and when he adds that he'd "buy a Ford truck or two" it because he needs a spare.

* WHY ARE THE NEW FORD TRUCKS MORE AERODYNAMIC?
So they will save the Chevy gas when the Chevy tows them away.

* WHAT'S WORSE THAN DRINKING FROM THE TOLIET?
Driving a Ford

Dusk to dusk
Hump to hump
There went
The ford in
The dump.

* WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
To push his F-150 back into the shop

* WHY DIDN'T THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
His F-150 got stuck

* WHY ARE FORD DEALERS GIVING AWAY A FREE GERMAN SHEPARD PUPPY WITH EVERY NEW TRUCK?
So the owners will have someone to walk home with.

* Remember the old ford commercial song? " Ford sucks, the worst trucks ever made, Ford sucks"

* Built Ford tough with Chevy stuff!!

* WHY DO THE NEW F-150'S HAVE LARGER SCALE BUMPERS?
It makes it easier on the tow truck.

* DID YOU KNOW THAT FORD HAS A NEW MAGNETIZED BUMPER?
They needed something to pick up the parts that fell off along the way.

* To the people who say they would rather push a ford than drive a chevy usually do.

* A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had,how many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man, growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat and said to the young man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup at sunrise, drive all day long,skip lunch and still not get to the other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Ford truck too"!

* Another country song quoet. Oowo I didn't know the worn out Ford could go so slow you've got to put your foot down on the floor!

* WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE IF YOU HAD 100 FORD TRUCKS AND ONE CHEVY TRUCK?
You would have a good junk yard and one good tow truck.

* License plate holder I saw........."Thank God Ford doesn't build airplanes"

* WHAT SHOULD THE FORD ASPIRE REALLY BE CALLED?
The Ford Expire

* What's up with the Aspire? The only thing thing it could possibly Aspire to be, is pulled by a Chevy tow truck.

* Bumper stickers seen on a ford: 0-60 in 12 miles, Honk if anything falls off, Never get behind a Ford!

* HOW COME FORD MAKES TRACTORS AND CHEVY DOESN'T?
Because Chevy cant get one to run that slow!!!

* Have you beaten a Ford lately???

* From a song that I here on the radio a lot.
"It's another turning point, a Ford stuck in the road."

* Where do ford owners go for help: FORDS ANONIMUS

* HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW SPEED LIMIT SIGNS?
MAXIMUM SPEED LIMIT ----- 65 MILES PER HR. FORDS DO THE BEST YOU CAN

* Line from "popular" commercial
"I have crashed my Ford a thousand times, because it comes with optional brakes"
REFRAIN
Ohhhh how crappy you have made me, ohhh how crappy you have made me!

Horrer oh horrer
there went the ford
through the door.

* WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FORD AND A SHOPPING CART?
A shopping cart sure is alot easier to push

* That's not a leak, my Ford's just marking its territory!

* I was driving my Ford truck down the road,
When I realized it was gonna explode.
The Ford motor blew up in my face,
So I put a Chevy motor in it's place.
I drove that truck 'till the body panels rusted away,
But that old Chevy motor still runs to this day!

* WHAT DOES THE GT STAND FOR ON A MUSTANG?
Glue together!

* WHAT SHOULD THE FORD TARUS REALLY BE CALLED?
The FORD Tow-us

* Ford...At least they circled the problem.


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post #10 of (permalink) Old 12-19-2002, 07:42 AM
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Re: OT- I NEED NEW FORD JOKES!!!!!

come on now, quit begging for stars!

as if they all haven't been covered, here is another modified version.
f*cked over russian dunebuggy
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