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post #1 of (permalink) Old 02-26-2002, 03:55 PM Thread Starter
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AJM/Elk_Muncher..read this

Subject: Aircraft Maintenance

Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions: Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a fatal accident.
P [in list below means] - The problem logged by the pilot.
S [in the list below means] - The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

My pops sent this to me earlier in the day as i am going to be an engineer. i figured ya'll might like it with your crazy drug smuggling airline or whatever you're gonna be doing with the Hercs. if you need a smartass engineer let me know.

---Peacock posted this
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post #2 of (permalink) Old 02-26-2002, 06:50 PM
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Re: AJM/Elk_Muncher..read this

HA, yeah I've read those before. I used to have a longer list somewhere....lost it.

Here's what a cop friend of mine thinks of me. He might not be too far off from this little "airline" we're developing here.

Maybe we could charge people to drive their trucks into our Herc, then we'll fly them into all these exotic off-roading places. This baby will land on a dirt strip ya know...can back up on it's own, turn around and take off again...all in just a couple thousand feet of dirt.


post #3 of (permalink) Old 03-02-2002, 02:49 PM
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Re: AJM/Elk_Muncher..read this

Hahaha, I've seen that before. Got it sitting around here somewhere.[img]/wwwthreads_images/icons/tongue.gif[/img] On mine it says USAF though.

Quantas is one of the 2 or 3 airlines I fly when going to Australia or New Zealand. Let's just hope it isn't really about Quantas. Air New Zealand either.[img]/wwwthreads_images/icons/crazy.gif[/img]

I never said anything about drugs. There are lots of little countries that pay lots of money for you to bring stuff to them. Eastern European Soviet era weapons for example.[img]/wwwthreads_images/icons/cool.gif[/img] Most of these places don't have a lot of proper airports or airfields, and besides, often wouldn't want you to land at one of them for obvious reasons.[img]/wwwthreads_images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

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