My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya) - Off-Road Forums & Discussion Groups
Dirtbike Lounge Hang out and talk two wheels. For Tech and Racing specifically, see those forums below.

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of (permalink) Old 01-30-2003, 03:55 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,424
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
 
My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya)

Ten Simple Rules for Dating MY Daughter
>>
>>Rule 1:
>>
>> If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
>>package, because you're surely not picking anything up.
>>
>>Rule 2:
>>
>> You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her,
>>so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
>>your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.
>>
>>Rule 3:
>>
>> I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
>>wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their
>>hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
>>friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded
>>about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door
>>with your underwear showing and you pants ten sizes too big, and I will
>>not object. However to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come
>>off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my
>>electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your
>>waist.
>>
>>Rule 4:
>>
>> I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
>>utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate,
>>when it comes to sex, I am the barrier and I will kill you.
>>
>>Rule 5:
>>
>> In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about
>>sports, politics and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The
>>only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to
>>have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from
>>you on this subject is "early".
>>
>>Rule 6:
>>
>> I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
>>date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
>>daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
>>continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you
>>make her cry, I will make you cry.
>>
>>Rule 7:
>>
>> As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
>>and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be
>>on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting
>>on makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate
>>Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something
>>useful, like changing the oil in my car?
>>
>>Rule 8:
>>
>> The following places are not appropriate for any date with my
>>daughter: -Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
>>eyesight. -Places where there is darkness. -Places where there is dancing,
>>holding hands, or happiness. -Places where the ambient temperature is warm
>>enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, belly
>>shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka
>>zipped up to the throat. -Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme
>>are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
>>
>>Rule 9:
>>
>> Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding,
>>middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter,
>>I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where
>>you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the
>>whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and
>>five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
>>
>>Rule 10:
>>
>> Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
>>the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
>>paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices
>>in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring
>>my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit
>>your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
>>announce in a clear voices that you have brought my daughter home safely
>>and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come
>>inside. The camouflaged face in the window is mine
>
>
>
300EXrider is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of (permalink) Old 01-30-2003, 07:48 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,071
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
 
Re: My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya)

gay, ian...u just lost points with me [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
joshiznuckinfutz is offline  
post #3 of (permalink) Old 01-31-2003, 01:34 PM
**DONOTDELETE**
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya)

i still find that f-ing hill air e us
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #4 of (permalink) Old 01-31-2003, 03:14 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,424
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
 
Re: My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya)

jsut pre-tend i did not post that, and instead, say kyron, and say kyron is 10 years older and his daughter, is 15 [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
300EXrider is offline  
post #5 of (permalink) Old 01-31-2003, 05:58 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Posts: 1,038
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
 
Re: My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya)

I have a 6yr old daughter, and I love it. I'm going to copy and paste it to a word document, then save it for when my daughter dates. If, and it's a big if, I let her. I'll have it engraved in wood and put it on the front door.
Brianklx300 is offline  
post #6 of (permalink) Old 01-31-2003, 11:48 PM
Keyboard Implanted
 
Kyron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Peoria Az
Posts: 3,584
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
 
Re: My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya)

Hey now................... my daughter is 6 (soon to be 7)

I've had those rules told to me [img]images/graemlins/burnout.gif[/img]
Kyron is offline  
post #7 of (permalink) Old 02-01-2003, 10:08 AM
**DONOTDELETE**
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya)

Betcha haven't had a "father" looking for you with a gun? [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
post #8 of (permalink) Old 02-01-2003, 10:41 AM
Keyboard Implanted
 
Kyron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Peoria Az
Posts: 3,584
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
 
Re: My daughter....with the help of john (yzroostinya)

LOL awhile ago I went to pick up the 15yr old baby sitter and I had "flash backs" [img]images/graemlins/AR15firing.gif[/img]
Kyron is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Off-Road Forums & Discussion Groups forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome