Off-Road Forums & Discussion Groups - View Single Post - O/T VOTE
Thread: O/T VOTE
View Single Post
post #10 of (permalink) Old 10-21-2004, 07:15 PM
Old Hand
oldfartzuk's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: North Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 599
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts


My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in
Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces
from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin
the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The
United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the worlds
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of
both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money
toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that
note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you
down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. You, boys work out a peace deal
now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia
for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I am
ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mess amiss.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps
have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or
watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the
finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to
be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple
extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to
put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty ---
starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world
has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we
won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in
English, thank a soldier.

oldfartzuk is offline  
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome