I like digging up old threads, and besides Wendy and I didn't have any pictures together and this one was recently taken at my best friends wedding...For haha's I will paste my best-man speech!
Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman I would like to thank you all for coming today and helping to make Scott and Kristen’s wedding such a memorable and special occasion. Personally, I wish you all stayed at home and made my job less nerve wracking.
I’m here to welcome you all to this very special day, and to point out the fire exits.
For those of you that don't know me, my name's Kevin I am an ex-sailor, and I have the privilege of being Scott's best man.
I would like to thank Scott for giving me more than a weeks notice like I did to him six years ago! I would like to also thank you for finally admitting after all this time that I have known you, that I am the best man!
I hope you've all enjoyed the day so far. As for Scott well, I hope you made the most of your speech because now you're a married man and that'll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes without being interrupted!
Firstly, I would like to thank the bridesmaids they look wonderful and performed their role fantastically well, and I think you'll all agree; the bride looks absolutely stunning!
(Pause for applause)
So here I am, and I think that my first job, of getting this man to the church, on time and sober, was a complete success! Now it's time for my second job, the speech, and this is the bit I've REALLY been looking forward to!!
JUST REMEMBER THE MORE YOU LAUGH THE SOONER ITS OVER.
Before I begin, however, it IS my duty to inform you of a couple of disclaimers before I proceed any further.
Disclaimer number one - My speech does NOT contain any original material - so if anyone is offended, it’s got NOTHING to do with me!
Disclaimer number two – If you are faint hearted then you might want to leave right now…
Disclaimer number three - The DVD of this wedding, if there is one, has been issued with an 18 certificate, some scenes may be offensive to small children and those of a nervous disposition. If you are watching this at home, please turn away for the next 10 minutes.
Now as I mentioned, it is a great honor to be Best Man, but with the role comes the job of writing this speech, and to be honest I wanted to make the process as easy as possible. So where do you begin for ideas?
The obvious place seemed to be the internet (what did you expect from a computer technician), so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips I began searching the web.
After a couple of hours searching I found some REALLY good stuff on the net, but ....then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for Best Man advice!!!
It is customary at this point for the best man to launch a severe character assassination of the groom and to tell you a bit about what happened last night, but I am far too scared of "Kristen" to do that so I will instead give them a little advice, which I hope they will find useful in the years to come.
KRISTEN - Treat Scott like a dog! 3 meals a day, plenty of affection... and make sure you hit him with the newspaper when he is bad.
SCOTT –
1. There are 5 rings involved in marriage: Engagement ring, wedding ring,
suffering, torturing and enduring.
2. Also remember those 3 little words that are the key to a long and happy marriage... 'You're right dear'!
3. Never get complacent. Look out for those tell-tale signs that there may be something wrong in your relationship… You know, like the milkman wearing your socks!
4. And remember; it only takes a couple of words mumbled in church and you’re married. But it only takes a couple of words mumbled in your SLEEP and you’re divorced.
Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I've known him for about 10 years, he's
Handsome, Intelligent, Witty, and Romantic...
oops…Sorry, wrong wedding.
Scott was born on April 28th 1969. Some Facts about 1969: Neil Armstrong is the first man on the moon. The supersonic Concorde passenger plane makes its first test flight, and of course our favorite…Woodstock Music Festival is held near Bethel NY.
In fact, and most of you probably don't know this, but Scott is actually a talented amateur musician.
Scott was going to sing a song today by Incubus, it’s called “Drive”…I don’t think I am going to let him sing today though because it’s not good to Drink and “Drive” So we put the song on your CD instead.
He has made an honest attempt to cut back on his drinking to get into shape for today, and personally I think he's succeeded! Well round is a shape isn't it?!
However, it was one night when Scott was out drinking with his friends that he met the love of his life, Kristen.
Remember I said I was a sailor? Well you see, I came home on leave to visit family and friends and we decided it would be a good idea to go out and have a few beers (that’s an understatement). You guys out there know what I mean…there is always that one group of ladies everyone has an eye on. There she was over by the bar…Scott said something along the lines of “Do you think she has nice boobs?” And there was the sailor saying “OK, time to go home Scott…You have had too much to drink.” That’s how it all truly started!
But nevertheless, she fell for his charm, and actually discovered that they share the same sense of humor!
...Kristen, you have to share it, Scott hasn't got one of his own!
In all seriousness though Scott, you've been a brilliant friend to me over the years. It's been an honor to be your best man today, and with all my heart I hope you two have a long and happy marriage!
Ladies and Gentlemen, before we finish, there are obviously two very important people here today, without whom very little of this would have been possible – and the great thing is, as the evening progresses, most of us will get to spend more and more time talking with them. So please join me in a very special toast………….to the bar staff!
The final and most important task, of best man is knowing when enough is enough and I think that the time has arrived as I look down at my wife and see her with her head in her hands, wondering “what have I done”
It has been an honor and a privilege to be best man today. Thanks again for letting me have the job! And I honestly couldn’t wish for a better friend to be best man for.
Now, as a sailor that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be up-standing, raise your glasses and join me in a toast to Scott and Kristen, because I think they were made for each other.
Toast
May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to last forever.
I'm sure you're going to be happy together, and I speak for everybody here when I say I wish you both the very best for your future life together.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr. and Mrs. Wampler!
OK, Game on!
Re: Introduction to \"unseen friends\" -OT 
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